I read alot, though, because that was a form of escapism. And Fictionamaniasimply saved my life. I read for days, learned English and got the warmfeeling of not being alone in the struggle.It was out of desperation that I discovered that my effeminate soulcould offer some practical gifts. For many years I tried to reject andsuppress everything that seemed unmanly, including my feelings. Iwanted to cry, often, like a girl. Or giggle happily, as girls do. Ilearned to suppress my emotions by holding my breath and pretending Idid not care. Only later in life did I discover that this part of me isalso a power. I am an empath, a powerful empath. As this part of mematured, it is enabled me to read people's emotions, even the hiddenones. Once I was sitting on a suburban train admiring a beautiful girlmy age in front of me. She was dozing, oblivious to my staring at her,and I felt safe, for it is nothing unusual for a boy to admire a girl.But my admiration was different.I did not imagine. She hair long waveybrown hair and looked like thestereotypical country house wife.She then turned around and I lookedaway, I hoped she had'nt seen mestaring at her. I got out of my van andwalked over to her "Hi" I said "Hi howare you getting on?" she asked. I filledher in on what I had done so far. Shewas quite attractive in a naturalmumsy kind of way.But I just got on with my job, at theend of the day I knocked on the door."Ive not quite finished, I will have tocome back tomorrow to finish off Isaid" which was truthful, it was a bigjob to do. "Ok I will be here" shereplied.The next morning I arrived and againthe man of the house was leaving forwork and he asked me to do a fewmore jobs for him. I was getting onwell when it began to rain very hard,"come inside you'll get soaked to theskin" I heard Mrs P calling from theback door."Aggh thankyou, I said as I took a gulpof tea" "Are you married?" Mrs Pasked me "Er no not yet anyway" Isaid smiling. "I am surprised, a goodlooking boy like.
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